function simpsons() {
var quotes = new Array();
var numquot = 0;
quotes[numquot++] = '"I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming."<br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Marge, I agree with you -- in theory. In theory, communism works. In theory."<br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"No! No no no no no no! Well, yes."<br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"I don\'t have to be careful, I\'ve got a gun."<br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Marge, what\'s wrong? Are you hungry? Sleepy? Gassy? Gassy? Is it gas? It\'s gas, isn\'t it?"<br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"In this house, we OBEY the laws of thermodynamics!"<br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you\'re prejudiced against ALL races."<br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"It was like that when i got here."<br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"And as for your case, don\'t you worry. I\'ve argued in front of every judge in the state. Sometimes as a lawyer."<br />-Lionel Hutz';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Well, he\'s kind of had it in for me, since I accidently ran over his dog. Actually, replace \'accidently\' with \'repeatedly\', and replace \'dog\' with \'son\'."<br />-Lionel Hutz';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Attempted murder, really, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry?"<br />-Sideshow Bob';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Aren\'t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa."<br />-Bart';
quotes[numquot++] = '"I\'m not calling you a liar but....I can\'t think of a way to finish that sentence."<br />-Bart';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Being eaten by crocodile is just like going to sleep...in a giant blender."<br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"I want to set the record straight: I thought the cop was a prostitute."<br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"I\'m not gonna lie to you, Marge... Well, goodbye."<br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"If he\'s so smart, how come he\'s dead?"<br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"You couldn\'t fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine."<br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Marge, don\'t discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It\'s what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel."<br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"I just realised that the cat and the dog haven\'t had a wedding, they\'ve been living in sin!"<br />-Marge';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Lemmie tell you what I tell everyone who comes in here, the police are powerless to help you."<br />-Chief Wiggum';
quotes[numquot++] = '"What is your fascination with my forbidden closet of mysteries?"<br />-Chief Wiggum';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Ok folks, back away nothin to see here... Oh my god a horrible plane wreck! Hey everybody crowd around, come on don\'t be shy, crowd around."<br />-Chief Wiggum';
quotes[numquot++] = '"We started out like Romeo and Juliet, but it ended up in tragedy."<br />-Milhouse';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Uh-oh, my heart just stopped. Ah...there it goes."<br />-Barney';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Inspired by the most logical race in the galaxy, The Vulcans, breeding will be permitted once every seven years. For many of you, this will mean much less breeding. For me, much much more."<br />-Comic Book Guy';
quotes[numquot++] = '"A gun is not a weapon Marge, it\'s a tool. Like a butcher knife, or a harpoon, or... or an alligator."<br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Homer no function beer well without."<br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"I saw weird stuff in that place last night. Weird, strange, sick, twisted, eerie, godless, evil stuff. And I want in."<br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Think of me when you\'re having the best sex of your life!"<br />-Grampa';
quotes[numquot++] = '"You know, Moe, my mom once said something that really stuck with me. She said \'Homer, you\'re a big disappointment.\' And God bless her soul, she was really onto something."<br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Principle Skinner, I got carsick in your office."<br />-Ralph';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers!"<br />-Ralph';
quotes[numquot++] = '"I found a moonrock in my nose!"<br />-Ralph';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Eww, Daddy, this tastes like Gramma!"<br />-Ralph';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and then the baby looked at me."<br />-Ralph';
quotes[numquot++] = '"There\'s no justice like angry-mob justice."<br />-Principal Skinner';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Hello, Simpson. I\'m riding the bus today because Mother hid my car keys to punish me for talking to a woman on the phone. She was right to do it."<br />-Principal Skinner';
quotes[numquot++] = '"I\'ve always admired car owners and I hope to be one myself as soon as I finish paying off mother. She insists I pay her retroactively for the food I ate as a child."<br />-Principal Skinner';
quotes[numquot++] = '"They think they\'re so high and mighty, just because they never got caught driving without pants."<br />-Moe';
quotes[numquot++] = '"People today are healthier and drinking less. You know, if it wasn\'t for the junior high school next door, no one would even use the cigarette machine."<br />-Moe';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Man, you go through life, you try to be nice to people, you struggle to resist the urge to punch \'em in the face, and for what?"<br />-Moe';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Call this an unfair generalization if you must, but old people are no good at everything."<br />-Moe';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Yes! I am a citizen! Now which way to the welfare office? I\'m kidding, I\'m kidding, I work, I work."<br />-Apu';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Yes, yes, I know the procedure for armed robbery. I do work in a convenience store, you know."<br />-Apu';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Please do not offer my god a peanut."<br />-Apu';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Ah! the searing kiss of hot lead; how I missed you! I mean, I think I\'m dying."<br />-Apu';
quotes[numquot++] = '"I have been shot eight times this year, and as a result, I almost missed work."<br />-Apu';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Be careful when we capture him! We cannot claim the reward unless we have 51% of the carcass!"<br />-Apu';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Hey, hey, this is not a lending library. If you\'re not going to buy that thing put it down or I\'ll blow your heads off!"<br />-Apu';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Nickel off on expired baby food"<br />-Apu';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Oh, man, what a day. It\'s no cakewalk being a single parent, juggling a career and family like so many juggling balls ... two, I suppose."<br />-Chief Wiggum';
quotes[numquot++] = '"See ya in court, Simpson. Oh, and bring that evidence with ya, otherwise, I got no case and you\'ll go scot-free."<br />-Chief Wiggum';
quotes[numquot++] = '"All right, you scrawny beanpoles: becoming a cop is not something that happens overnight. It takes one solid weekend of training to get that badge."<br />-Chief Wiggum';
quotes[numquot++] = '"You know, fingerprints are just like snowflakes. They\'re both very pretty."<br />-Chief Wiggum';
quotes[numquot++] = '"I hope this has taught you kids a lesson: kids never learn."<br />-Chief Wiggum';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city! He is the cancer and I am the ... uh ... what cures cancer?"<br />-Chief Wiggum';
quotes[numquot++] = '"This is Papa Bear. Put out an APB for a male suspect, driving a... car of some sort, heading in the direction of, uh, you know, that place that sells chili. Suspect is hatless. Repeat, hatless."<br />-Chief Wiggum';
quotes[numquot++] = '"She didn\'t reckon with the awesome power of the Chief of Police! Now where did I put my badge?...Hey, that duck\'s got it!"<br />-Chief Wiggum';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Can\'t you people take the law into your own hands? I mean, we can\'t be policing the entire city!"<br />-Chief Wiggum';
quotes[numquot++] = '"You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head."<br />-Marge';
quotes[numquot++] = '"What good is money if it can\'t inspire terror in your fellow man?"<br />-Mr Burns';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Cool, I broke his brain!" <br />-Bart';
quotes[numquot++] = '"All he does is lie there like an unemployed whale." -Bart';
quotes[numquot++] = '"No, he\'s pretty dumb. He\'s in all the same special classes I am." -Bart';
quotes[numquot++] = '"There\'s no such thing as a soul. It\'s just something they made up to scare kids, like the boogeyman or Michael Jackson." -Bart';
quotes[numquot++] = '"What\'s Santa\'s Little Helper doing to that dog? Looks like he\'s trying to jump over, but he can\'t quite make it." -Bart';
quotes[numquot++] = '"I don\'t know! I don\'t know why I did it, I don\'t know why I enjoyed it, and I don\'t know why I\'ll do it again!" -Bart';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Remember, you can always find East by staring directly at the sun." -Bart';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Bart, with $10,000, we\'d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!" -Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen." -Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Remember, as far as anyone knows - we\'re a nice normal family." -Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"I know what you\'re saying, Bart. When I was young, I wanted an electric football machine more than anything else in the world, and my parents bought it for me, and it was the happiest day of my life. Well, goodnight." -Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is \'never try\'." -Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"I\'m in a place where I don\'t know where I am!" <br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"I am so smart, I am so smart, s-m-r-t....I mean s-m-A-r-t." -Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Oh, everything\'s too damned expensive these days. This Bible cost 15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book! Everybody\'s a sinner! Except this guy." -Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Mmmm, free goo." <br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Don\'t let Krusty\'s death get you down, boy. People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow! Well, good night." -Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Ha ha! Look at this country!? U R Gay!? Ha ha!" (Homer looking at Uruguay on the globe).';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Don\'t mess with the dead, boy, they have eerie powers." -Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Donuts. Is there anything they can\'t do?" <br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Lord help me, I\'m just not that bright." <br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts." -Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Beer. Now there\'s a temporary solution." <br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Unlike most of you, I am not a nut." <br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"No, no, no, Lisa. If adults don\'t like their jobs, they don\'t go on strike. They just go in every day and do it really half-assed." -Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"When will I learn? The answer to life\'s problems aren\'t at the bottom of a bottle, they\'re on TV!" -Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Trying is the first step towards failure." <br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"America\'s health care system is second only to Japan... Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, ... well all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky stars we don\'t live in Paraguay!" -Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"What\'s the point of going out, we\'re just going to end up back here anyway?" -Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"I think the saddest day of my life was when I realised I could beat my Dad at most things, and Bart experienced that at the age of four." -Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"And there\'s nothing wrong with hitting someone when his back is turned." -Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Old people don\'t need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so that it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use." -Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. 14% of people know that." -Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"It\'s like something out of that twilighty show about that zone." -Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Yes, honey...Just squeeze your rage up into a bitter little ball and release it at an appropriate time, like that day I hit the referee with the whiskey bottle." -Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Me lose brain? Uh, oh! Ha ha ha! Why I laugh?" -Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Kids, kids. As far as Daddy\'s concerned, you\'re both potential murderers." -Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"They have the Internet on computers, now?" <br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"When I look at the smiles on all the children\'s faces...I just know they\'re about to jab me with something." -Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Well you know boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like women. You just have to read the manual and press the right button." -Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"If something is hard to do, then it\'s not worth doing." -Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"All right, let\'s not panic. I\'ll make the money by selling one of my livers. I can get by with one." -Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Operator! Give me the number for 911!" <br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?" -Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Aw, Dad, you\'ve done a lot of great things, but you\'re a very old man, and old people are useless." -Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Here\'s to alcohol: the source of, and answer to, all of life\'s problems." -Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"No matter how good you are at something, there\'s always about a million people better than you." -Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover." <br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"You can\'t keep blaming yourself. Just blame yourself once, and move on." -Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"English - Who needs that? I\'m never going to England!" -Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"I have feelings too - like \'My stomach hurts\' or \'I\'m going crazy!\' -Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?" -Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Son, when you participate in sporting events, it\'s not whether you win or lose; it\'s how drunk you get." <br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"When the doctor said I didn\'t have worms any more, that was the happiest day of my life." <br />-Ralph Wiggum';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that\'s even remotely true." <br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"\'To Start Press Any Key\'. Where\'s the ANY key?" <br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"That\'s where I saw the leprechaun! He told me to burn things." <br />-Ralph Wiggum';
quotes[numquot++] = '"I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around a city, keeping its speed over fifty and if its speed dropped, it would explode! I think it was called \'The Bus That Couldnt Slow Down\'" -Milhouse';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Marge. We had a deal! Your sisters don\'t come hear after six and I stop eating your lipstick!" <br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Behold the rarest of the rare. The mythological two-headed hound. Born with only.. one head!" <br />-Chief Wiggum';
quotes[numquot++] = '"The legendary Esquilax, a horse with the head of a rabbit, and.... the BODY of a rabbit!" <br />-Chief Wiggum';
quotes[numquot++] = '"So Hugh, have you heard all the latest American jokes.. uuh, here\'s a good one. Pull my finger!" <br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"I\'m sorry kids, I don\'t think we\'ll ever find your greyhounds. Maybe Mr. Burns will sell you one of the 25 he got last night." <br />-Chief Wiggum';
quotes[numquot++] = '"You\'ll have to speak up, I\'m wearing a towel!" <br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Mmmm... 64 slices of american cheese..." <br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Thank you, steal again."<br />-Apu';
quotes[numquot++] = '"It\'s true, I\'m a rageoholic! I just can\'t get enough RAGEOHOL!" <br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"There\'s no shame in being a pariah. " <br />-Marge';
quotes[numquot++] = '"No... sorry, you have the wrong number, this is 912. " <br />-Ralph Wiggum';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Mein bratwurst has a first name, it\'s F-R-I-T-Z, mein bratwurst has a second name, it\'s S-C-H-N-A-C-K-E-N-P-F-E-F-F-E-R-H-A-U-S-E-N." <br />-Rainer Wolfcastle';
quotes[numquot++] = '"I wish God were alive to see this." <br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Sometimes I think we\'re the worst family in town."<br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"I\'ll never wiggle my bare butt in public again." <br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Why do I have the feeling that someday I\'ll be describing this to a psychiatrist?" <br />-Lisa';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Kids, just because I don\'t care doesn\'t mean I\'m not listening"<br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Homer no function beer well without." <br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Oh, yeah, what are you gonna do? Release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark, they shoot bees at you?"<br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"It\'s not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day."<br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Only your father could take a part-time job at a small town paper and wind up the target of international assassins." <br />-Marge';
quotes[numquot++] = '"So, a graduate student, huh? How come they can send a man to the moon but can\'t make my shoes smell good?" <br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"I\'m better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt, not that fancy store-bought dirt... I can\'t compete with that stuff." <br />-Moe';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Just because I don\'t know doesn\'t mean I don\'t understand." <br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"I\'ve gone back in time to when dinosaurs weren\'t just confined to zoos." <br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"These candidates make me want to vomit in terror." <br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"If it doesn\'t have Siamese twins in a jar, it\'s not a fair." <br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Boy, everyone is stupid except me." <br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Why won\'t those stupid idiots let me into their crappy club for jerks?" <br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"I don\'t care if Ned Flanders IS the nicest guy in the world. He\'s a jerk. End of story." <br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"You stupid know-nothing know-it-all."<br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"There, there. Shut up boy."<br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Your toys are fun to touch. Mine are all sticky."<br />-Ralph Wiggum';
quotes[numquot++] = '"We need more secret sauce. Put this mayonnaise in the sun."<br />-Krustyburger Manager';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Lisa, I want you to remember me just as I am right now, filled with murderous rage."<br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Never fear. The cosmic fool is here."<br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Ack. There is no "emoticon" to express what I am feeling right now."<br />-Comic Book Guy';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix."<br />-Comic Book Guy';
quotes[numquot++] = '"I bent my wookie."<br />-Ralph Wiggum';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Yeah, well Bart can kiss my hairy yellow butt."<br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"My Homer is not a Communist... he may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a Communist... but he is *not* a porn star. "<br />-Grampa';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Oh, everything looks bad if you remember it."<br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"That guy impressed me and I am not easily impressed. Wow. A *blue car*!"<br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"That\'s it. I\'m getting out of this town alive even if it kills me."<br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"I\'m like that guy who single-handedly built the rocket and flew to the moon. What was his name? Apollo Creed?"<br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"I think we\'d be all better off if each country had it\'s own planet."<br />-Barney';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Son, you\'re as stupid as a mule and twice as ugly. So if a stranger offers you a ride, I\'d say take it."<br />-Grampa';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Okay Marge, its your child against my child. The winner will be showered with praise. The loser will be taunted and booed until my throat is sore."<br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Hi, Principal Skinner! I\'m learneding!"<br />-Ralph Wiggums';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Mmmm... unexplained bacon."<br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"I wasn\'t going to gamble. I just wanted a Bloody Mary."<br />-Bart';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Just a statue? Is the Statue of Liberty just a statue? Is the Leaning Tower of Pizza just a statue?"<br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"The sun? That\'s the hottest place on Earth."<br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"I\'m sorry, honey, but we\'re renting your room to a satellite network until your father can pay for the destruction of a priceless artifact. Boy, I never thought I\'d have to say that again."<br />-Marge';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Oh no. This is how faceless Joe lost his legs."<br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"They call \'em "fingers," but I never see \'em fing. Oh wait, there they go."<br />-Otto';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Oh boy, it looks like it\'s suicide again for me."<br />-Moe';
quotes[numquot++] = '"As punishment for your desertion, it\'s company policy to give you the plague."<br />-Mr. Burns';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Marge, tell Bart I just want to drink a nice glass of syrup like I do every morning."<br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Look, the thing about my family is there\'s five of us. Marge, Bart, Girl Bart, the one who doesn\'t talk, and the fat guy. How I loathe him. "<br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Fame was like a drug, but what was even more like a drug were the drugs."<br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Don\'t kid yourself, Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he\'d eat you and everyone you care about!"<br />-Troy McClure';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Lisa, Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos."<br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"HI. I\'m Troy McClure. You may remember me from such self help tapes as \'Smoke yourself thin\' and \'Get some confidence, Stupid!\'"<br />-Troy McClure';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Will you be my mommy? You smell like dead bunnies..."<br />-Ralph (to a wolf)';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Hello. I\'m Leonard Nimoy. The following tale of alien encounters is true. And by true, I mean false. It\'s all lies. But they\'re entertaining lies. And in the end, isn\'t that the real truth? The answer is: No."<br />-Leonard Nemoy';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Well let me ask you this: shut up."<br />-Chief Wiggum';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Hi, my name\'s Moe. Or as the ladies like to refer to me, \'hey you in the bushes\'."<br />-Moe';
quotes[numquot++] = '"If The Flintstones has taught us anything, it\'s that pelicans can be used to mix cement."<br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"No one who speaks German can be an evil man! Parole Granted!"<br />-Parole Judge';
quotes[numquot++] = '"So then I said to the cop, \'No, you\'re driving under the influence... of being a jerk.\'"<br />-Lenny';
quotes[numquot++] = '"I\'ll keep it short and sweet - Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business."<br />-Mr. Burns';
quotes[numquot++] = '"The last time the meteors came, we thought the sky was on fire. Naturally, we blamed the Irish. We hanged more \'n a few."<br />-Grandpa';
quotes[numquot++] = '"When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power ... like God must feel when he\'s holding a gun."<br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"When i grow up, I want to be a principal or a caterpillar."<br />-Ralph Wiggum';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you\'d step over your own mother just to get one! But you can\'t stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!"<br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"I could crush him like an ant. But it would be too easy. No, revenge is a dish best served cold. I\'ll bide my time until ... Oh, what the hell. I\'ll just crush him like an ant."<br />-Mr. Burns';
quotes[numquot++] = '"A woman is a lot like a refrigerator.  6 feet tall, 300 pounds ... it makes ice."<br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Hey, Homer, I\'m worried about the beer supply. After this case, and the other case, there\'s only one case left."<br />-Barney';
quotes[numquot++] = '"This is the greatest case of false advertising I\'ve seen since I sued the movie The Never Ending Story."<br />-Lionel Hutz';
quotes[numquot++] = '"I don\'t like being outdoors Smithers, for one thing, there\'s too many fat children."<br />-Mr. Burns';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Well crying isn\'t going to help. Now, you can sit there feeling sorry for yourself or you can eat can after can of dog food until your tears smell enough like dog food until your dog comes back, or you can go out there and find your dog."<br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Lisa, you\'re a Buddhist, so you believe in reincarnation. Eventually, Snowball will be reborn as a higher lifeform... like a snowman."<br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Oh boy! Sleep! That\'s when I\'m a Viking!"<br />-Ralph Wiggum';
quotes[numquot++] = '"All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say \'Yo Goober! Where\'s the meat!?\'. I\'m trying to impress people here Lisa. You don\'t win friends with salad."<br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Marge, you being a cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman - and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing."<br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Attempted murder, now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry?"<br />-Sideshow Bob';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn\'t, it\'s that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such."<br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"I\'ve learned that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead."<br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Can\'t you people take the law into your own hands? I mean, we can\'t be policing the entire city!"<br />-Chief Wiggum';
quotes[numquot++] = '"I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning."<br />-Ralph Wiggum';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Prinskipper Skippel... Primdable Skimpsker... I found something!"<br />-Ralph Wiggum';
quotes[numquot++] = '"I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here."<br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"I\'m not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I\'m going to Hell? "<br />-Homer';
quotes[numquot++] = '"Well, whenever I\'m confused, I just check my underwear. It holds the answer to all the important questions."<br />-Grandpa Simpsons';
quotes[numquot++] = '"I\'m going to Moe\'s. Send the kids to the neighbors, I\'m coming back loaded!"<br />-Homer';

document.write(quotes[Math.floor(Math.random() * numquot)]);

}